| j |
[11 Jan 2008|07:04pm] |
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lskdfj
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| i quit. |
[13 Mar 2006|04:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.brighter.than.sunshine.aqualung. |
] |
I WANT TO GO HOME!!!
itd be pretty amazing if i could just skip the next two months.
sad how much i hate it here most of the time.
i miss you...
its almost been a year
and i wont get to spend the day with you.
depressing.
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| everything i never knew i always wanted. |
[02 Feb 2006|04:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 perfect |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
i love '85 on vh1 |
] |
everything is perfect.
i have never been happier.
now i just need to get home.
and be home.
and have a place to live.
with my baby.
everything is in order.
and im so relieved.
iloveyou.
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| its a reoccuring nightmare |
[24 Jan 2006|04:05pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.saves.the.day.where.are.you. |
] |
why is it that every time i feel like everythings going how i want it to, i have all of my big decisions made, i know what i want and how things should go, and everything makes sense that it all falls apart and life throws you a huge curve ball?
tennessee
djc
bowling green
mmd
here
home
apartment
dorms
i have no idea what i want, where im going, or how to get there.
i want to go back and skip the last week of my life.
that way id still know.
and i wouldnt feel like abandoning everything and starting over.
which isnt looking like that bad of an option.
|
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| make me beautiful. |
[14 Dec 2005|09:13pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
content |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
tv |
] |
i hate exams... can't wait for this week to be over.
home in 2 days, im excited.
im actually looking forward to working.
erin left today, its weird with her not here.
kinda nice to have alone time though.
not sure where im going to stay when i go back to cleveland,
cuz my mom def doesnt want me at my house.
maybe ill camp out at dans.
that would be nice <3
alright... movie time. then studying. yuck.
|
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| going right back to what i hated so much |
[09 Dec 2005|03:24am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 lonely |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.wonderwall.oasis. |
] |
and now i remember why its never really going to work.
thats the worst...
you love someone
so much
and you know they feel the same.
but it just will never be right.
ever.
no matter what you do,
or how much you change.
oh well, guess its back to the same thing...
all over again.
im not sure i can do this again.
or even if i should.
why wont you make this easier?
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| one week. |
[05 Dec 2005|02:13am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 loved |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.fiona.apple.not.about.love. |
] |
love.
is.
amazing.
oh i miss(ed) that stupid ache.
<3
|
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| my wonderwall. |
[30 Nov 2005|05:28am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
confused |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.oasis.wonderwall. |
] |
i feel like im walking in circles.
i love you. i love you. i love you.
always have, always will.
maybe you get that now.
ive never had to make such a difficult decision.
but for once, youre making it easier.
and being so amazing. but you always were.
no matter what they say. i know. i just know.
simple as that.
you and i make sense in a way that makes no sense at all.
but thats us, perfect chaos.
|
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| im in love with life. |
[15 Nov 2005|12:20pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.tv.family.rocket.summer. |
] |
soo happy.
disgustingly happy.
im like a fucking rollercoaster.
i give myself a headache.
who knows.
all i know is...
i need to stop skipping class.
cuz im going to fail out of college,
and be a failure at life.
at least im having a good time.
|
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| fate fell short this time. |
[30 Oct 2005|07:27pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
depressed |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.we.laugh.indoors.postal.service. |
] |
life is so unfair.
people are so selfish.
why cant i ever get what i really want?
timing is everything,
and i have none.
|
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| recent developments |
[27 Oct 2005|12:22am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 pissed off |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.ready.starting.line. |
] |
i retract the previous entry:
I FUCKING HATE YOU.
|
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| insomnia... |
[22 Oct 2005|04:16am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
sad |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.wonderwall.oasis. |
] |
I FUCKING MISS YOU.
|
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| call me a safe bet, im betting im not. |
[14 Oct 2005|04:58pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.boy.who.blocked.his.own.shot.brand.new. |
] |
so its finally over. at least for now.
im not really sure how i feel about it.
its very strange.
and i miss him.
but i think ill be okay.
i love it here. which helps.
im meeting my advisor next week.
scheduling classes.
declaring my major.
making this place my home...
for at least the next 7 months.
saw erica and sam last night.
its nice to be able to say hi and talk,
and not have it be wierd.
then we almost got caught drinking in the dorms.
which would have been terrible.
only we're sweet and got out of it.
or got lucky, im not sure which yet.
everyone left me this weekend.
sam and erin are in toledo.
my erin is in cleveland.
cassie and alina are in PA.
jess is at a wedding.
and im here.
oh well.
ill still have fun.
cigarette time.
then nap time.
then drunk time.
and who knows what else.
im excited.
you should be jealous.
|
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| this place is not a home. |
[09 Oct 2005|09:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
weird |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
sacks and rachel talking |
] |
i just want to go back to school.
i cant wait until tuesday.
thats fucked up.
i never thought id say that.
this place isnt the same anymore.
and its a real shame.
|
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| going on 3 hours of sleep... |
[07 Oct 2005|11:29am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 exhausted |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.where.are.you.going.dmb. |
] |
good night.
scratch that.
great night.
college is wonderful.
i do not want to go home and face reality.
well... whatever it is at home anyway.
cuz i dont think its reality any more.
|
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| take what you want cuz it doesnt belong to me. |
[06 Oct 2005|06:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
chipper |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.take.what.you.want.maroon5. |
] |
going home tomorrow...
should be an interesting weekend.
out tonight for a little fun and games.
and a lot of drinking. hell yes.
about to create mass chaos.
thank god for jess and brittany(my boo).
friday toms making me, kate, and britt dinner.
im excited.
then a date with leslie for desert!!! i cannot wait.
probably will not be seeing my boyfriend until at least sat.
if not sunday.
oh well. im down for putting it off as long as possible.
its not going to be any fun.
at all.
as a matter of fact, im dreading it.
what has to happen, has to happen i suppose.
it fucking sucks though.
the worst way to end things is not wanting to end them at all.
damn.
saturday i get to see kristen and the gang... amazing.
should be a good time.
oh and sacks' and rachel's apartment in the next 4 days as well.
so much to do, so little time.
canadian studies lecture in 20 min, i should get a move on.
but damn do i not want to go.
oh well, itll be romantic... ;)
peace homies.
|
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| inked |
[03 Oct 2005|08:55pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.chronic.future.wicked.games. |
] |
new tattoo.
and an excuse to show everyone my boob...
haha just kidding. kinda.
it says "ad astra" which means to the stars in latin.
everyone should like it.
or ill kill you. or something.
|
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| when i get this feeling i want sexual healing. |
[28 Sep 2005|12:41pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
happy |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.autography.starting.line. |
] |
drama drama drama.
today is a good day though.
i tried to change my belly ring yesterday.
it bled. oh well.
im getting a tattoo next week. its gonna be "ad astra".
someone tell me where to get it.
im thinking my side, but i dont know exactly where.
HELP!
dashboard on saturday and
MY SUNSHINE IS COMING TO VISIT ME!
im so excited i cant even stand it.
then the next weekend im going home.
i get to see my love, my clone, my boyishfriend, and my mama.
i cannot wait.
i think ill be okay after all.
plus my BFF called me and made me feel a thousand million times better.
thank god for my friends.
|
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| this place is a prison. these people arent your friends. |
[26 Sep 2005|02:02am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
terrible |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
.postal.service.this.place.is.a.prison. |
] |
preface to this entry... its probably not going to wind up pretty.
i kind of just dont belong anywhere.
home isnt home anymore, but school definately isnt home either.
its like im some sort of nomad.
my moms right though. right now, im miserable no matter where i am.
i went home this weekend and didnt even sleep at my house. i basically camped out at kristens. it was really nice though. i love being around her, she always makes me feel better. it just sucks that we both have boyfriends that can be so terrible to us. its so hard to watch her go through the same things i am/did. although now, who knows what is going on.
nothing makes sense anymore. i have no idea what this is, what to call it, how to feel. i hate her for who she is to you and how i dont really know at all. i hate that i know she's there, and that you cant face up to what youre doing and be completely honest with me. i hate this for the fact that knowing i am what i am isnt good enough for you, that i am not enough for you. that knowing in two and a half months ill be home isnt enough. that im more of a friend. that im a chore. something you have to deal with. that kills me, completely crushes me.
why does it have to be this way? why do i feel like crying every time i see our picture on my desk? every time i think about all the things we've been through. every time i get off the phone with you and feel like that might be the last conversation we'll ever have.
everything is an argument. we've lost ourselves in the monotony of it all, and im afraid we'll never get out. i dont know if we can ever be the same again, but you have no idea how badly i want that.
but when i get home, will you be there for me? or will she still be around? will there be someone new by then? can you really wait for me? because sometimes i wonder. sometimes im just not sure how much you really care, how much i really mean to you. you promise it won't be that way, promise that you love me. lately, i just dont even know what to believe.
and now its 2am and ive worked myself into tears once again.
i just want you to be here, to tell me it will be okay.
but it wont be okay. at least not for a while. i'm not sure ill make it.
82 12 17
|
|
| im that bored. |
[20 Sep 2005|07:16pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 blah |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
straylight run |
] |
Choose a band/artist and answer only in song TITLES by that band:: taking back sunday
Are you male or female:: a beautiful girl can make you dizzy.
Describe yourself:: literate and stylish, kissable and quiet.
How do some people feel about you:: why cant you just be happy, why cant you just be happy?
How do you feel about yourself:: i'm a wishful thinker with the worst intentions.
Describe your ex girlfriend/boyfriend:: to hell with you and all your friends.
Describe your current girlfriend/boyfriend:: we were better than we'd ever been before.
Describe where you want to be:: new york city streets with friends by your side.
Describe what you want to be:: you know you were always such a lady.
Describe how you live:: hey lush, have fun, its the weekend.
Describe how you love:: i'll give you everything you want.
Share a few words of wisdom: dont let it go to your head, boys like you are a dime a dozen.
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